Fear of giving birth again

I read these words from a mama in Natural Christian Home Births recently, and wanted to respond to it somewhat publicly because I know for a fact that many repeat home-birth mamas experience a similar internal struggle as they approach another birth. Even if their previous home births were not particularly difficult or traumatic.

“Help! I’m due any day now and I’m absolutely terrified to give birth again…. I’ve had 4 natural births so I know exactly what I’m walking into and I cannot mentally wrap my mind around doing it again. I feel like I just can’t get in the mental space that I need to be in. I’m not “scared” in the sense that I don’t know what’s happening. I know EXACTLY what happens haha has anyone else been through this?? What helped?? Ive been in constant prayer over this…”

It’s precisely because you know what to expect (the intensity, the hard work, the miracle it is every time a baby successfully maneuvers through a pelvis and transitions well) that gives you something to be nervous about. Your eyes are wide open, naivety is long gone.

The thing is that fear is really trying to help you. It’s asking you to make sure that you’re absolutely certain that everything is okay, that precautions have been taken, that you have the support you need, and that you’re prepared for whatever might come. Imagine for a moment that the fear is an outspoken auntie coming over to ask you about all these things cos she’s worried for you. Then break it down. What exactly is Auntie Fear asking you about? What are your responses to her? What do you need to know, do, or dismiss to confidently tell Auntie Fear that you’re ok, thank you very much, and this conversation is now over?

Do you need to research something? Make a birth first aid plan? Practice pain management techniques? Bring in more support? Get yourself some Rescue Remedy? Write down your fears and leave them at Jesus’ feet, refusing to pick them up again?

Then, take action on those things. You’ll probably find that it goes a long way in lifting those feelings of dread.

Here’s what I know: You don’t have to be completely free of nervousness and fear to give birth well. You are allowed to be scared. The thing is that you can’t let fear drive the car. It has to crawl in the backseat and hunch down, and you may have to remind it to close its loud mouth if it starts acting like a backseat driver. You are the boss of that fear, and your best, most rooted self is the only one with her hands on the steering wheel.

Also, in your prayer, ask the Lord to make it clear to you whether these fears are His way of warning you about something (in which case, take heed!), your flesh just very naturally dreading doing something hard (in which case, follow the advice above), or the enemy seeking to discourage and steal from you (in which case, rebuke him in Jesus’ name).

You’re normal. And when those labor surges begin, I firmly believe that you will find you are given all that you need to move past your fear and bring forth your baby in love and with joy. He will not abandon you to your fear in your hour of travail.

For more support, check out the Faith-Filled Home Birth Challenge, which explores this topic and more in greater depth, and may help re-center you in this delicate time.